"The only good thing you can say about an artist
is that they work hard."
-- Agnes Martin

I wanted to write about the art fair this week, provide some thoughtful feedback on the odd experience of both participating in and visiting an art fair as an artist (and it is unquestionably an odd experience). But my mind is too focused on all the studio work that remains to be done before my show opens in just a few short weeks. There is no time for reflection.

"Split Screen", oil on canvas, 36" x 50", Amanda Clyne 2011

The fact is, I am struggling to resolve the final works for my show. It was great to have my paintings displayed at Art Toronto, and there is no question that it was an opportunity to have more people see my work than would ever attend my exhibition at a gallery. But I fear my show will seem woefully anticlimactic, since so many of my new paintings were just exhibited at the fair. A few more paintings seem unavoidably necessary.

So I have been working frantically to complete a new series of three paintings, all derived from a new image. The first painting is a little strange, but romantic and ethereal -- a mix of very wide and very narrow fragments that reads quite differently from my other works. The second is a large close-up portrait, full of complex subtleties of tone and color, and although I am only half done, I should be able to complete it on time. But it is the third one that is proving to be the killer. I just can't seem to decide on the final composition. I keep creating new possibilities, but am never quite satisfied. I've come close a couple of times, even going so far as to build stretchers for certain compositions, but I just can't seem to bring myself to paint them.

And I am running out of time. The show feels lopsided without this elusive third work, so somehow I must come to a decision and begin painting. But whenever I hear that voice in my head nagging me with doubt, I recoil and reluctantly force myself to start again. I'm fighting for that moment when I look at the composition on my computer screen and I just can't wait to see it come alive in paint. I'm fighting hard for this last one. I better find the answer soon.